Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize