i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
