I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
