okay pat passed out under dana's car
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
