i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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