I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
