idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
