Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
