We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
