I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
