I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
