on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
