If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
