i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
