have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
