I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I have peed in a lot of sinks
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
