Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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