WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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