I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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