Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My balls are so social today.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
