So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dignity is for republicans.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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