My sheets look like a crime scene.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
