I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
