Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
