I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
