The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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