New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
