i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
