I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Randomize