You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
