after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize