How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
