YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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