i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
