I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
