my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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