Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
