i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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