The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
