The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
