You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
