do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
