you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
