You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize