At least make sure they are 18
Why
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
