there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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