Your face is a jimmy john
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
