Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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