she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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