Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I can't put those talents on a resume
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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