Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
