That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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