I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
