I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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