He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
