about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
