my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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