Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
