So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize