She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
