Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
In America we eat man semen.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
