i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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