dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
operation harelip BJ is a go
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
