You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
