Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
