Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I am available for nakedness
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
