Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
