everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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