We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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